well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
