Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just gift wrapped bread.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
