Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Your cock deserves a montage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
