I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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