i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
