Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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