I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
