Kiss
Puke
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
