He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We left an ass print on the piano.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
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