I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
