By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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