This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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