Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
