whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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