Just fell off a train. Bad.
Someone shit on the floor
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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