we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
