is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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