Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this will be a night to untag.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
