There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
