Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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