I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
