how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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