If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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