White coat. Heels.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
