Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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