whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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