Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
