Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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