well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
