so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
