got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
