I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
