watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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