he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
