I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
