Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
