just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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