I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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