Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My pussy is not your playground.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
