Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
