I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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