my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
