HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
