it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
