Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
