I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
