Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
