yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've blown a few things in my day
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
