I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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