apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
