Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He passed out mid-signature
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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