I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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