the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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