My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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