Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
